Violence, whether it is physical, emotional, or built into our systems, leaves lasting impacts on people, families, and whole communities. When someone experiences harm or conflict, figuring out how to respond in a way that feels safe, empowering, and healthy can be hard. That’s why it’s so important to talk about alternatives to violence.

At its core, choosing alternatives to violence means looking at what’s causing the harm in the first place and finding new ways to respond, promote healing, take accountability, and grow. This work is especially important in communities that are already carrying a lot of trauma and instability.

Breaking the Cycle

We know violent behaviors, whether they are intimate partner violence, corporal punishment as discipline, or emotional abuse don’t just happen out of nowhere. A lot of abuse is learned and passed down from generation to generation. Many who cause harm grew up witnessing domestic violence and/or experiencing other forms of abuse as children. If a child learns patterns of abuse, then the experience of learning that behavior was likely a traumatic experience.  If no one steps in, the cycle keeps going. Abuse becomes normal and takes a huge toll on mental health and relationships. Survivors often deal with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and have trouble building safe, trusting connections with others. In addition, kids who grow up around violence often carry those patterns into adulthood.

This is why programs like PAIP (Partner Abuse Intervention Program), and parenting classes matter so much. They’re not just about stopping harmful behavior, they’re about helping people take accountability, learn empathy, and build better ways to communicate. When run with a trauma-informed approach, these programs can genuinely help people shift their mindset and transform their relationship with others.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

We can’t ignore the systems we live in. A lot of the time, violence isn’t just about individuals, it’s built into the systems around us. In our society we tend to focus on punishment and retribution when harm has happened instead of solutions and community accountability. We also tend to overlook what survivors want, which is to end the harm and for the individual causing harm to seek help. When we focus more on punishment rather than healing, we reinforce harm, especially when you factor in things such as various forms of oppression or the lack of trauma-informed responses. When we do not separate the person causing the harm from the harmful behavior, we leave people in shame with no hope that they can make a change, because they are labeled as “just a perpetrator”.

This is why system-level work is so important. Collaborating with the courts and pushing for policies that center healing instead of punishment are all part of the solution. If we want to break cycles of harm, we must think more broadly than just individual behavior. We must challenge what’s been normalized, including examining our services and challenging how we can be complicit in systems of oppression. So, the question is, how do we as a community do better to protect survivors while fostering accountability and personal growth for those who cause harm without leaving anyone with no support?

Healing is Part of the Work

When we talk about alternatives to violence, we’re also talking about healing. It’s not just about stopping harm; it’s about addressing what’s left behind. In order for those causing harm to heal, they need compassion as well as accountability. People can’t change unless they experience a moment where someone shows them empathy first. Therapy, support groups, community spaces, and culturally rooted healing practices all play a part in helping people process their experiences and rebuild.

At Turning Point, we recognize healing looks different for everyone and real change takes time. Being culturally responsive and decolonizing the work that we do is essential. We cannot address individual harm without dismantling larger systems of harm and oppression, which support and uphold harm between individuals like domestic violence. We work with both survivors and people who’ve caused harm, because long-term change needs to include everyone affected. Everyone in the cycle deserves support and space to grow.

What We’re Doing at Turning Point

In the Alternatives to Violence department, we focus on the root causes of harm and how to help people move forward. Our programs like PAIP, parenting classes, alumni support, men’s therapy, and our survivor intervention programs aren’t just trauma-informed, they’re transformational. They create space for education, accountability, and healing. Groups provide a space where people know they are not alone. They’re a core part of how we carry out Turning Point’s mission to end domestic violence.

Final Thoughts

It is a conscious decision to break cycles; however, choosing alternatives to violence isn’t always easy. It takes work. It takes intention. But it’s worth it. By combining compassion, support, and advocacy, we’re helping people rewrite their stories and showing that real safety starts with dignity, connection, and care. We can challenge what’s been normalized and begin to rewrite the narrative; one of dignity, connection, and true safety for all.

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Credits

Zitlalli Roman, LCSW, CDVP, CPAIP

Zitlalli is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Domestic Violence Professional at Turning Point, Inc., where she has worked since 2016. She is also a Certified Partner Abuse Intervention Professional. Over the years, she has served in a variety of roles including PAIP facilitator, shelter advocate, and Victim Counseling Supervisor. She currently oversees the Alternatives to Violence department, which houses several vital programs including PAIP, parenting support, alumni groups, men’s mental health services, and survivor intervention program. Zitlalli is passionate about breaking cycles of violence and supporting community healing through trauma-informed, culturally responsive services.

Stephanie Fox Baer, MA, QMHP, CPAIP

Stephanie is a Certified Partner Abuse Intervention Professional and Mental Health Therapist at Turning Point, Inc., where she has worked since 2020. She facilitates PAIP groups, parenting groups, survivor intervention group, men’s therapy group, cultural humility discussions around domestic violence services, and provides individual therapy. Stephanie believes we all have the capacity to heal and be who we were meant to be when given the chance and support to heal.

Editor
Cameron Schott, Marketing and Outreach Associate