When many people hear the words sexual assault or domestic violence, they often picture bruises, broken bones, or other visible injuries. People also tend to picture a woman or female as the victim. While women are disproportionately impacted, the reality is that men, boys, and people of all genders experience sexual assault and domestic violence. These forms of violence also do not discriminate. They affect people of every race, gender identity, religion, culture, age, and economic background. Abuse can happen to anyone, and often the most damaging harm leaves no visible marks. 

Sexual violence within relationships is one of the most misunderstood aspects of domestic violence. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, sexual assault is any nonconsensual sexual act or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the victim (U.S. Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women). At the core of both sexual assault and domestic violence is power and control.

Sexual abuse, just like domestic violence in a relationship, isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like pressure, manipulation, threats, reproductive control, or degrading treatment that leaves a person feeling immense shame or powerlessness.

One of the most harmful myths is that being in a relationship implies consent. It does not. 

Consent must be freely given every time. 

Consent is a clear and willing yes, NOT the absence of a “no.” 

And just as importantly, consent can be taken back at ANY time, regardless of relationship status.

Another common misconception is that sexual assault usually happens at the hands of a stranger. In reality, that’s rarely the case. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), about 60% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, such as a friend, acquaintance, intimate partner, or family member.

Often both DV and SA survivors are physically or emotionally isolated. Often, events that harm are minimized, adapted, or denied completely. Acts of violence and domination have the power to erase the disaster and retell the story through the eyes of the perpetrator, giving the listener a partial truth. Sometimes, even the survivor begins to believe that re-told story (gaslighting) because of the powerful hold the perpetrator has over their reality.

For those worried about someone they care about, it’s important to remember that there isn’t always a clear sign that abuse is happening. Survivors may withdraw, seem anxious, or experience changes in mood or behavior—but sometimes there are no visible signs at all. 

What can help immensely is creating a safe, supportive, non-judgmental space where someone knows they will be believed and supported whenever—or if—they choose to share their story.

At Turning Point, we focus on building rapport first. We make sure the environment feels safe, validate survivors’ experiences, and support their decisions—whether that means reporting, staying, leaving, or simply being heard. Because survivors have experienced something where control was taken from them, it is important to return control wherever possible—even in small ways like asking where they want to sit or whether they want a door open or closed.

It is essential to START WITH BELIEVING SURVIVORS. Saying “I believe you” can be incredibly powerful. One of the biggest reasons survivors isolate themselves, stay with an abuser, or choose not to report is the fear that they will not be believed. When survivors are believed and supported, healing becomes possible. Many people move forward in their journey, growing from victims, to survivors, and ultimately to thrivers. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and provides a great opportunity to have some of these challenging conversations. 

Remember that there are always resources available to help. In McHenry County, our Rape Crisis center is the Care Center, a satellite Northwest Center Against Sexual Assault office. All of their services are completely free, including their hotline (888-802-8890). To learn more about their services, visit their website at nwcasa.org. We also have the McHenry County Health Department which offers HIV/STI programming, including testing and treatment. Residents can call 815-334-4500 to schedule appointments, or check for specific walk in hours at mchenrycountyil.gov. To learn more about sexual assault and related topics, visit the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network at RAINN.org or the National Sexual Violence Resource at nsvrc.org.

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Credits
Will Helling is an Adult Survivor Advocate at Turning Point Domestic Violence Services. He is a Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist and earned his Bachelor’s degree in Therapeutic Recreation from Western Illinois University. With over 15 years of experience working with marginalized populations in the field of human services–the past seven of which were spent specializing as a Sexual Assault Prevention Specialist and advocate–Will brings a depth of knowledge and compassion to his work and his is commitment to fostering meaningful human connection while empowering survivors.

Editor
Tiffany Hudson, Outreach & Prevention Coordinator