When we talk about domestic violence, we often focus on visible injuries: bruises, broken bones, damaged property, financial losses, or the immediate danger that can accompany an abusive relationship. We know, however, that domestic violence can leave wounds that cannot be seen. For example: Fear, isolation, constant monitoring, humiliation, threats, control, financial dependence, sexual violence, the loss of connection with family and friends, and the feeling that there is no safe way out.

For survivors, the emotional and psychological consequences of abuse can become overwhelming. This is one reason why it is so important for domestic violence professionals, health-care providers, mental health professionals, schools and all our communities to understand the relationship between intimate partner violence and suicide–especially as we honor Suicide Prevention Awareness Month this September.

The connection between domestic violence and suicide is significant. Domestic violence can create a feeling of hopelessness, especially because it is not limited to one type of abuse. One of the most important things to understand is that suicidal thoughts in a survivor should never automatically be viewed as an isolated mental-health issue because it is not–these issues often go hand-in-hand.

The question is not, “What is wrong with this person?”

The more appropriate question may be: “What has happened to this person, and what are they currently living through?”

Living with abuse can mean living in a state of fear and uncertainty. A survivor may be constantly trying to anticipate an abusive partner’s behavior, protect their children, maintain employment, manage finances, hide injuries, or avoid provoking another incident from happening by “keeping the peace” or just “not saying anything to make them upset.”

Leaving may not immediately eliminate the danger, either. Statistically, leaving may put the survivor in more danger. Separation can be a particularly dangerous period for some survivors, and an abusive partner may use threats, stalking, financial control, child-related issues, or threats of the legal system to continue power and control. 

When someone feels trapped in circumstances that appear impossible to change, hopelessness can become profound–often a primary warning sign for suicide and other mental health concerns.

That does not mean suicide is inevitable. It means that the circumstances surrounding a survivor’s suicidal thoughts deserve to be understood within the context of the violence they have experienced. Psychological/Mental abuse deserves our attention; it NEEDS our attention. A person can be deeply traumatized without having any visible injuries, let’s start talking about it.

What can be considered psychological/mental abuse?

• Constant humiliation
• Threats against the survivor, children, pets, or loved ones
• Extreme jealousy and monitoring
• Isolation from friends and family
• Controlling access to money, transportation, employment, or communication
• Threats of suicide or homicide used as a form of manipulation
• Gaslighting and persistent undermining of a survivor’s perception of reality
• Stalking and surveillance
• Threats related to custody or immigration status
• Sexual coercion or violence

Domestic violence needs to be part of the suicide-prevention conversation.

So, what can advocates do?

For domestic violence advocates, recognizing the connection between abuse and suicide does not mean becoming a mental-health provider, it just means that you are willing to ask, pay close attention and listen.

A survivor who says, “I can’t do this anymore,” may be expressing exhaustion, hopelessness, fear, or suicidal thoughts. We cannot know what those words mean without creating a safe space for the survivor to tell us.

The answer is not to judge or pressure them. The answer is to listen, collaborate, and help identify options and ways to be safe. Prevention can often begin with one question, believing a survivor and educating the survivor to understand that abuse is never their fault, they are not alone and we are here to listen. Survivors deserve more than just survival.

Survivors deserve the opportunity to rebuild their lives, reconnect with themselves, figuring out who they are and what they love, develop supportive relationships, regain financial independence, heal from trauma, and imagine a future that belongs to them.

You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that help is available. Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 24/7. To chat with a licensed professional available 24-7, download the McHelp App. Adults 18+ can visit the NAMI McHenry County Living Room for walk-in peer crisis support 8 AM – 11:30 PM 7 days a week at 338 Memorial Drive, Crystal Lake, IL 60014. 

If you or one of your family members has mental health and/or substance use challenges but are not in crisis and would like to receive support by phone, call the Illinois Warm Line at 866-359-7953. Wellness Support Specialists are professionals who have experienced mental health and/or substance use recovery in their own lives. 

To speak to a domestic violence advocate and receive support, call Turning Point’s 24/7 helpline at 815-338-8081. Learn more about Turning Point’s services and how we can help at our website, turnpt.org. Or, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) and visit their website at thehotline.org. 

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Credits
Raquel Lemus is the Program Coordinator for the Legal Advocacy Courthouse Program, supporting survivors as they navigate the legal system and connect with advocacy and community resources. Raquel has more than 10 years of experience serving the community and working in the social services field, with almost 4 of those years being part of Turning Point.

Editor
Tiffany Hutson, Outreach & Prevention Coordinator