Turning Point participating in the 2025 Woodstock Pride Parade

When people think of domestic violence, there is often a preconceived notion that it is something that happens to women at the hands of men. The reality is that anyone can be a survivor or a perpetrator of domestic violence regardless of any facets of their identity–including sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. It’s important to reconcile this misconception to empower survivors of all identities to recognize abuse when it occurs, and to help increase accessibility of services. This PRIDE month, we hope to recognize and shed light on the unique experiences and barriers LGBTQIA+ survivors have and face.

How prevalent is it?

Unfortunately, domestic violence and intimate partner violence (IPV) are both incredibly prevalent in the LGBTQIA+ community. Women, statistically, see the highest rates of domestic and intimate partner violence, and those statistics only get higher when looking at LGBTQIA+ women. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) 2016/2017 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), lesbian (56.3%) and bisexual (69.3%) women are significant more likely than straight (46.3%) women to have ever experienced IPV, including contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking, in their lifetime. 

People of any gender experience higher rates of domestic and intimate partner violence if they identify in the LGBTQIA+ community. Gay (47.7%) and bisexual (46.1%) men see higher rates of IPV compared to heterosexual (44.1%) men. Transgender and non-binary folk see some of the highest rates, according to the 2015 United States Transgender Survey that found more than half (54%) of all trans and non-binary people have experienced IPV in their lifetimes. The intersectionality between these groups can also not be ignored. For people who identify in more than one of these categories, like someone who is both trans and gay, or who identify in the LGBTQIA+ community and some other minority group, like someone who is nonbinary and BIPOC, there is confounded vulnerability. 

What does it look like?

For LGBTQIA+ people and relationships, there are some specific tactics that may occur as the partner causing harm attempts to gain and maintain power and control. One is through Identity Abuse. This could include threatening to out their partner or pressuring them to come out before they are ready, using their sexual or dating history against them or saying partner is “too much” or “not enough” of their LGBTQIA+ identity, intentionally using the wrong name or pronouns, denying a partner’s gender identity or sexual orientation, or controlling how a partner expresses their gender or sexual orientation. Everyone should get to decide on their own terms how they want to express themselves, 

Aside from identity abuse, there are also some unique ways other types of abuse can look in this community. A partner who causes harm might use LGBTQIA+ stereotypes to coerce a partner into particular sex acts, or use gender roles to control how they have sex. A partner causing harm might also deny their partner access to gender-affirming care, or use their own ability to pass as leverage in the relationship. They may try to blame the abuse on their partner’s identity, or deny that abuse can happen in the first place in LGBTQIA+ relationships. Oftentimes, a partner who causes harm will work to create a rift between the survivor and the often small LGBTQIA+ community while simultaneously threatening to out them to family, friends, or coworkers and lose their support system on both sides. They may claim that nobody else will ever love or accept them, furthering this isolation. 

What are barriers to getting help?

Many LGBTQIA+ survivors may be unable or hesitant to seek help due to the unique barriers they face. This is especially true when dealing with systems, like hospitals, shelter, or law enforcement. There has been historical systemic bias against this population from law enforcement, and LGBTQIA+ people have seen increased risks of police brutality, misogynistic attitudes, stigmatizing homophobia or transphobia, and a decreased chance of having an order of protection enforced. For same-sex couples, there is a higher chance of dual-arrest if law enforcement is called to the scene after a violent incident. All of these factors have exacerbated the distrust LGBTQIA+ people have for police and further the hesitation to report. 

In hospitals and shelters, many of these concerns still exist. There is always a fear for many of being outed, of being misgendered or referred to by the wrong name and pronouns–especially if these things have been threatened by the abusive partner in the past as a means to gain control. In the emergency room, a same sex partner may pose as a friend rather than a partner to gain access, or in shelter they might try to access the same shelter as the survivor. LGBTQIA+ people have difficulty accessing shelter to begin with, a 2016 National Coalition of Anti-Violence program finding that 44% of LGBTQ+ survivors were denied shelter services when seeking help. 

Outside of these systems, LGBTQIA+ survivors face other barriers. Living in a homophobic, transphobic, sexist, and heterosexist society creates a different context for the abuse, including gender dynamics in the relationship. Internalized feminine and masculine behaviors are based on societal expectations, which can cause people to feel the need to mimic traditional heterosexual relationships and create those blatant power imbalances. There is also a prevailing myth that LGBTQIA+ relationship abuse is “mutual,” although this is rarely the assumption for non-LGBTQIA+ relationships. A survivor may not report in fear of not being believed, or in fear of affirming those harmful beliefs people have of the community. 

How can we build a stronger community?

In order to prevent violence, and to adequately provide support to LGBTQIA+ survivors, the first step is building a stronger community. Remember that it really does take a village, so work on fostering one. Build relationships within your community, check on your neighbors, coworkers, friends and family. Remind people you are there for them, even if you have mentioned it before. When you see behavior that supports the cultural acceptance of violence in relationships, redirect and call it out. The less we tolerate these behaviors, the less power people causing harm have. The more people know they have a community to support them, the more power a survivor regains. 

Educate yourself and others on available resources. For LGBTQIA+ specific information, survivors can visit the LGBTQ Domestic Violence Awareness Foundation (dvafoundation.org), LGBT National Help Center (lgbthotline.org), PFlag (pflag.org), the Trevor Project (thetravorproject.org), or the Trans Lifeline (translifeline.org). All survivors are also always able to call/text/chat with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or the Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline at 877-868-6338. Turning Point Domestic Violence Services is McHenry County’s only comprehensive domestic violence agency, and provides free services to any survivors of domestic violence–including LGBTQIA+ survivors. Turning Point can always be reached at our 24/7 hotline, 815-338-8081. 

Remember that all people, regardless of how they identify or what kinds of relationships they are in, deserve to feel safe and respected. Have a happy pride!

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Credits
Tiffany Hutson is the Outreach & Prevention Coordinator at Turning Point Domestic Violence Services. She is a Licensed Social Worker who graduated with a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Social Work at Aurora University. Tiffany has been working with teens for most of her career and has a background in school and policy social work. She is dedicated to empowering youth to foster and maintain healthy relationships and healthy selves.

Editor
Mallory Breutzmann, Event & Fundraising Coordinator